


The Nutjob Teacher

by ThetaSigma



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Basically that apartment on fire gif in fic form, Established Relationship, Humor, I guess this fic is crack, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-10
Updated: 2017-09-10
Packaged: 2018-12-26 00:37:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12047649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThetaSigma/pseuds/ThetaSigma
Summary: Sonny brings in a suspect who spouts conspiracy theory after conspiracy theory. It leads to more than a little tension in the interrogation room.Features quite a bit of in-squad squabbling and Tucker dying of laughter.“Well, I mean, there’s the usual acting out, but honestly, you give one or two kids a good smack, and the rest of them shape right up, they really do.”Dodds banged on the glass then.Sonny gratefully left the room.“That guy is acompletewhacko,” Sonny muttered as the door slammed shut. “I can’t even tell if he’s serious about smacking a child.”





	The Nutjob Teacher

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sidewinder](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sidewinder/gifts).



Sonny was tangled up on the couch with Rafael when his phone rang. He considered ignoring it – he was _really_ comfortable, and the movie was interesting, and he hadn’t had a proper day off in ages – but he knew better.

He sighed and fumbled out of the blankets. “It’s my ma, pause the movie, Rafi.”

“I’m _not_ going to Sunday dinner tonight, _soleado_. All I want is to finish this movie and have you cook me lasagna tonight, and anyway, I did my boyfriendly duty today by actually going to church with you.”

“I know.”

Sonny picked up the phone. “Hey ma. Listen, I know me and Raf haven’t been to dinner in a while –”

_“Sonny, it’s not about that. Yes, I want you and your Rafael to come out, but that can wait, right now. I need to talk to you.”_ His mother sounded serious, and Sonny disentangled himself from his boyfriend and sat up properly.

“What’s up, Ma? You sound upset, everything okay? Is everyone alright? Is it… is it Dad?”

_“Your father’s fine, Sonny. Everyone’s fine. Listen, I had lunch with Maria today, and I’m worried now.”_

Sonny remembered his mom’s oldest friend – they had gone to college together, gotten their teacher’s licenses together. They had started teaching at the same time, his mother on Staten Island, settling down with Sonny’s dad, while Maria had gone into teaching at some private school in the city. Maria had never married or had kids, and she had been like an aunt to Sonny, growing up. Closer than some of his actual aunts, actually. “Is she okay?” Sonny asked worriedly. 

_“She’s fine. She’s just worried about what’s going on at her school, honey. That’s why I’m calling. We got to talking about our jobs, and she was telling me she’s had some suspicions that there’s – oh, I can’t even say it, Sonny bunny.”_

“Ma?”

_“Oh, some of her kids are acting out. Not the usual way. She suspects abuse. One of the teachers, but she doesn’t know which one. Most of them have been there forever, and this acting out is new, sweetie. They’ve had some new teachers start recently – first at the start of the year, and now a couple new ones just in the past few months. Oh, baby, she’s so worried. Just think, a_ teacher _doing this! Oh, it’s a shame on our profession, baby, it really is. And I was thinking, you’re in that SVU now, and you can look into it, right?”_

“Of course, Ma. Do you know which students?”

_“No, baby, I don’t. She wouldn’t say. Can you start by checking out the new teachers, maybe? She’s not sure which students, anyway – no one’s… oh, what’s the word I want, bunny?”_

“Disclosed, Ma.”

_“That’s right. No one’s disclosed to her. But you know she’s been doing this 40 years now. You just march down to that office with your badge and you talk to those new teachers. You trust your intuition; it’s always served you well, love.”_

“Okay. I’ll do that first thing tomorrow, okay?”

_“Thanks, Sonny. I appreciate it. Now, I know it’s your day off, and you and that cute boyfriend of yours probably want to spend it together, so I’ll let you go. You tell him to stop making excuses and come and see us for Sunday dinner some time though, okay? He can’t avoid us forever.”_

“He can certainly try.”

_“He’s stubborn, though, isn’t he?”_

“I knew that before I fell in love with him, Ma.”

His mother laughed. _“You give him a kiss for me, and several for yourself. Bye, bunny.”_

His mother hung up, and Sonny stared worriedly at his phone. Rafael pressed up against Sonny and asked, “Everything okay with her?”

“Mm. Aunt Maria – I told you about her – is worried about abuse at her school, Ma wants me to check it out tomorrow. But since I can’t do anything about it until tomorrow anyway, we might as well finish the movie.” 

He snuggled back up against Rafael and unpaused the movie.

*** 

Sonny strode through the school. He had called Dodds for permission to check it out – Liv was out all day at a conference – and Dodds had given it eagerly. Sonny had also talked to the principal and gotten the list of new teachers, and he was heading to talk to the first – he checked the list again: John Humbert. Room 217, this was it.

He knocked sharply and entered. “John Humbert?” he called.

A tall, skinny man was leaning over a desk, a cup of coffee, still steaming, next to his hand. “What?” he asked irritably. “It’s my free hour, I don’t want to be disturbed.”

Sonny showed his badge. “I’m Detective Carisi from SVU.” Humbert glanced at him, and Sonny had trouble reading the expression on Humbert’s face. He could’ve sworn it was _amusement_ , but it disappeared quickly. 

“I don’t have to talk to you,” Humbert said. “Door’s that way.”

“You don’t even know what I want to talk about.”

“Whatever it is, it can wait until after I’ve finished my lesson plan, seeing as I’m supposed to be teaching it in… 37 minutes, and I have no idea what I’m going to be telling these dunderheads. Unless it’s a missing child, then I suppose I can make the time.”

Sonny instinctively didn’t like him. Most teachers he had talked to while working at SVU had been eager to help him; Humbert was cagey, like he had something to hide. Sonny’s gut was telling him that this guy was trouble.

“It’s not a missing child,” Sonny said. 

“In that case, you can go.”

“It’s a public school, and the principal knows I’m here, I have as much right to be here as you do,” Sonny said confidently. “So, you can keep writing, but I’m going to ask my questions whether you like it or not.”

Humbert hmmed unhappily. “I suppose I can’t actually stop you,” he muttered. “Go ahead.”

“How long have you been teaching here?”

Humbert marked something on some papers. “I didn’t say I’d answer,” he said after several minutes. “Besides, I’m sure the principal gave you that info already.”

Sonny rubbed his forehead. “Have you noticed anything suspicious while you’ve been here?” he tried again.

“Besides the cameras in every hallways, recording my every move? That’s a violation of my civil liberties that I’ve been forced to agree to to be able to have a job, I’ll have you know. If I don’t agree to this blatant violation of my civil liberties, I’m not allowed to set foot in the classroom! Is it really agreement if I don’t _actually_ have a choice in the matter? Or did you want to know about the drug test they had me take, even though I’m not actually handling any dangerous or hazardous materials? Or are you asking me about everyone’s interference in my teaching methods at all times, making sure I’m teaching to the hundred standardized tests these miserable students have to take? It’s not enough that New York State has mandated a curriculum, now I have to teach to each standardized test that comes out, and there is a regulator making sure that I’m ‘adequately preparing’ each student for it. Quashing their creativity! Their independent thinking! Their critical reasoning! All in the name of filling in some _goddamn bubbles_!”

Sonny blinked. “That’s… really not what I meant.” The standardized test rant was somewhat familiar – both Sonny’s mom and Maria had similar rants. 

“You know what I’ve been teaching them? To always question authority, no matter what the cost! To think critically! To know the conspiracies that surround us!” Humbert was getting impassioned now, hands sweeping as he ranted.

“That’s… okay, that’s really _not_ what you should be teaching them, but that’s still not what I meant,” Sonny said. 

“Do you know how many of them blindly accept the Lee Harvey Oswald myth?”

“Okay, Mr. Humbert, I’m going to ask you to come down to the station with me,” Sonny cut in. “You’re in no state to teach any class, and you and I have a lot to talk about. Or, if you prefer, I can talk to your principal about just what you’ve been teaching your students.”

Humbert ran a hand through his hair aggrievedly, then grabbed his jacket. “Fine. Let’s go. I suppose the lesson plan doesn’t really matter at this point.” He held his wrists out. “Are you going to cuff me, Detective?”

“You’re not under arrest, Mr. Humbert.”

Humbert stuck his hands in his pockets. 

*** 

Sonny banged on the steering wheel as the light turned red just as he reached it. He was going slowly mad. Humbert was _still_ talking, but nothing of use. The man was currently explaining why there was going to be a DNA database implemented soon, how everyone’s DNA was going to be collected at birth and stored for future reference. 

“It would make my job easier,” Sonny said tiredly.

“That’s all anyone thinks about!” Humbert snapped. “What makes their lives _easier_ , whether or not it’s _right_. They don’t care that it’s a violation of privacy, of the very principles this nation was founded on. They don’t care that regardless of whether or not they were ever planning on committing a crime, having a national DNA database is ethically wrong! They hear DNA database, and they dismiss it as a nutjob conspiracy, and yet slowly, it’s coming. First they fingerprint us everywhere! Did you know just to take a standardized test these days, you have to be fingerprinted? Why is that?”

“I’m sure I don’t know.”

“Oh, they’ll give you some bullshit reason about security, but all it does is erode our rights. And if you refuse, they don’t let you take the exam you paid hundreds of dollars to take, and you can forget about any refund, that’s for sure! Just because you don’t bow down and allow them collect every piece of private information about you! And it’ll be the same with the DNA database. They’ll introduce it slowly, here and there, for _convenience_ – that’s the word to watch out for, _convenience_. Oh, we need this for your _convenience_ , and next thing you know, we’re all tagged and collected in some computer out there, never to have freedom again!”

Sonny bit back the comment on his mind, namely _“Has anyone told you that you are a goddamn nutjob?”_

“I mean, you must know about it coming, don’t you?” Humbert asked.

“I really don’t.”

“But _your_ DNA is already on file.”

“No, it’s not.”

“Sure it is. Cops have their DNA filed. And they tell you that it’s in case they have to identify your remains in case of an ‘accident’. Just like if you were in the army. But they’re just building their DNA database slowly, starting with the people least likely to resist.”

“Or they really do need my DNA in case they have to identify my body after some violent psychopath gets to me,” Sonny said dryly. “This job isn’t the safest in the world. I’ve had close calls before.”

“That’s what they _tell_ you! You’re going along with it like a good, obedient sheep! They have you totally believing in the system and you’re just going along with it!”

“You know, Mr. Humbert, I’d rather have my DNA on file, just in case I’m chasing a serial killer and he decides to kill me and dismember me, so my ma isn’t the one who has to identify my vague body parts. I’d like to spare her that much, at least. Give her that small measure of comfort,” Sonny said, gritting his teeth. 

“The chances of you being killed by a serial killer –”

“Are a lot higher in the job I do than they are for the average layperson, Mr. Humbert,” Sonny said firmly. 

“They are still _vanishingly_ small. Serial killers prefer to go after easy prey, not a hardened cop with a gun – don’t think I haven’t noticed that yours has been on your hip this whole time. You’re thinking emotionally, not logically, and you’re thinking about personal convenience, not about the overall ethics of even a small DNA database!”

“I suppose next you’ll tell me I never have to worry about being blown to bits by a bomb. How will they identify me then?”

“When was the last time you were in the vicinity of a bomb, Detective?”

“I’ve come across a few. None active, thank God, but still a few more than I’d like to have come across at all.”

Humbert banged on the seat ahead of him in frustration. “You’re just another mindless _sheep_.”

“You’re just annoyed I’m making good points.” It hit him in a flash that _that’s_ why Humbert was so pissed off – Humbert was trying to counter the points Sonny was bringing up.

“I’ve thought of these counter-arguments before,” Humbert protested.

“Well, luckily, we can end this – this is the station.”

Sonny guided Humbert to an interview room, deposited him there, and came out, shaking his head. He sought out Fin and Rollins.

“Either of you wanna take this guy? Only I’ve been dealing with him for nearly an hour now, and he is _crazy as fuck_. I’m going to punch him in a minute, I swear.”

“I’m good,” Fin said immediately. “I go home to crazy, I don’t need it at work all day, too.”

Amanda smiled at him. “It was _your_ mom who called you, so _you_ get to deal with whatever nutjob you found.”

Sonny groaned and went to find Dodds to make his report.

*** 

Sonny headed back into the interview room, Dodds watching through the interview window. 

“So, Mr. Humbert,” Sonny began. “Let’s get back to your teaching career. Where were you before…”

“I don’t want to talk about that,” Humbert cut him off. “It doesn’t matter.”

Sonny sighed and sat down. “It matters to me. That’s why I brought you in, not to talk about some conspiracy theory. Although, I have to say, yours are quite inventive. Perhaps you should have gone into creative writing, not teaching history.”

Humbert waved a hand. “Perhaps. But maybe I do that in my spare time.”

“Let’s circle back to your teaching. When do you leave school?”

“Check the wretched security cameras they install. I’m sure they have timestamped footage of the exact time I leave, of the exact time I take a piss, of how many times I glance at the clock, of every time I’ve dropped a pen…”

“Yes, we’ve got that you’re not a fan of the security cameras,” Sonny said, trying to drag the conversation back onto topic, but Humbert was back on a rant.

“And it’s not just in the school, the cameras are everywhere now. Traffic cams, wherever you go, and I know the police aren’t just using them to monitor traffic but also to monitor our movements! Surveillance cameras on every street corner, in every parking lot, in every store, in every bank. Everywhere you go, everyone’s filming on their smartphone! Taking pictures, taking video! How many strangers’ pictures are you in? How many photos are you in the background of? How often are you on the Internet, in some Facebook photo, or on Instagram, or whatever these other social media sites are. Even if you’re meticulous about protecting your privacy, you’re probably all over the internet, everywhere! And there’s no way to search for it, no way to guard against it! Your face, your location, easily recognizable from the background for anyone with a little talent for matching up backgrounds!”

“Okay, Mr. Humbert, can we get back to…”

“And half the time, you don’t even know if the person is taking a picture, it’s so quick! I don’t know how women cope, I really don’t! At least, with me, I’m just unintentionally in their pictures, just some asshole passing through while they try to take a picture of something else, but there are creeps who try to take pictures of women all day long, and you never know what someone’s doing when they’re fiddling with their phone.”

Sonny latched on to the word ‘creep’. “Actually, Mr. Humbert, we wanted to talk about creeps.”

“Oh, don’t get me started on creeps. They’re _everywhere_ now. Something about the Internet has made them – viral. Is that a pun? I think it’s a pun. But they’re all feeding off each other now, sharing _tips_. Back when I was younger, they didn’t have that.”

Sonny was dogged in trying to get back on topic. “Mr. Humbert, I don’t want to take up more of your time than I have to. Can we please get back to your teaching?”

“I try to teach them about JFK, mainly. That’s one of the classes I do, modern American history. I guess we don’t teach much European history anymore in schools, after all, America’s existed for over 200 years now, in comparison with Europe’s several _thousand_ year history, so we really have to spread out American history over the high school curriculum and just sorta dash through European history. I mean, how will American students ever function in the global economy if they don’t understand every event in American history fully, as told through a period of 2-3 years of study? I mean, who needs to understand the basis of our democracy as it started in Ancient Greece, or the philosophical movements in Europe that gave rise to the basis of the Constitution, or the signing of the Magna Carta, which is what defined the Bill of Rights, or…”

“I more interested in the _students_ , really.”

“But since we’re doing post-1900 America, I may as well straighten them out about Kennedy, because they’ve had that Oswald myth hammered in, and if I’m in the classroom, I’m going to present the conflicting evidence and let them decide for themselves. I mean, I know at this point they’ve spent eleven years in the American education system, but surely they haven’t had _all_ independent thought beaten out of them!”

“Mr. Humbert,” Sonny all but begged. “I _just want to ask you about your students_.”

“Oh, a dull lot, mostly. Some bright, curious ones, but for the most part, the capitalist system has beaten out any spark of critical reasoning.”

“Have you noticed any behavioral changes lately?” 

“Well, I mean, there’s the usual acting out, but honestly, you give one or two kids a good smack, and the rest of them shape right up, they really do.”

Dodds banged on the glass then.

Sonny gratefully left the room. 

“That guy is a _complete_ whacko,” Sonny muttered as the door slammed shut. “I can’t even tell if he’s serious about smacking a child.”

“I don’t even care if he is or isn’t, I’m taking it as a confession,” Dodds said. “Arrest him so we can hold him. And keep pushing him, he might just let something else slip. I don’t think he’s telling us everything he knows, Carisi.”

Sonny groaned and reentered the room.

“John Humbert, you’re under arrest for assault. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in court. You have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford one, one will be provided to you.”

Humbert raised an eyebrow. “Really? I thought you would be able to tell when I’m _joking_.”

“Somehow, neither I nor my sergeant think you are, Humbert. You can try to prove it at trial.”

*** 

Five hours later, they had gotten nothing useful out of him. Oh, Humbert had been _full_ of more conspiracy theories – Carisi had heard all about them, down to the shoes he was wearing (apparently there was a vast shoe conspiracy he had never known about, and he was more than ready to call Bellevue and have them admit Humbert as a psych patient). 

He groaned and glanced at the window, willing Dodds to come in and take over for him. He sensed Humbert was _toying_ with him – every time Sonny got close to trying to ask any sort of question, to get to the point, Humbert went off on another tangent, another conspiracy theory, neatly avoiding being asked anything.

Any time Sonny tried to interject, Humbert loudly talked over him, drowning him out, and while Sonny was loud, Humbert managed to be louder – probably years’ worth of teaching, drowning out students, Sonny thought bitterly. His mother had the same talent.

Humbert glanced at his watch. “Well. This has been fun, I have to say, but I’m getting bored now, and it’s about time for me to head home anyway. I want to go.”

“You’re still under arrest,” Carisi reminded him. 

Humbert reached into his pocket and pulled out a special investigator’s badge. “I’m not actually John Humbert. He doesn’t exist. I’m undercover for the DA’s office.”

Dodds banged on the window.

“Apparently your sergeant knows something about this.”

Sonny grabbed the badge and left the room hurriedly.

“Sarge?” Sonny asked.

“Do _not_ let him go,” Dodds said. “My father told me something about this. You said you picked him up at St. Paola’s, right?”

Sonny nodded. 

“My father said that the DA _had_ sent someone to investigate, but that there’s been information leaking out of the office for a while now, that their investigation was compromised. Carisi, I think you found their mole. I’m calling Tucker right now.”

“Is IAB the right department to call?”

“Tucker’s been handling this case,” Dodds explained. “Long story.” He called Tucker, explained the situation quickly, then turned to Sonny. “Tucker says he’ll be here in 10.”

They watched through the window as the skinny guy – not-Humbert – made himself comfortable and made a show of checking his watch.

*** 

Tucker came in. “You caught him?” he asked, dispensing with any form of greeting.

“We think so,” Dodds said cautiously. “He’s in there. We’ve been questioning him for over 5 hours now, and only now has he admitted he’s a special investigator. Still won’t give us his actual name, though.”

“Oh, I’ll get it out of him,” Tucker said, throwing open the door. Dodds and Sonny followed. 

Tucker strolled in, took one look at the man, and burst out laughing. He tried to say something, but couldn’t. 

The man finally cracked a smile and said, “Ed, good to see you again!”

Tucker waved him off and sat down on one of the chairs, still laughing.

Dodds and Sonny looked at each other. Neither of them had ever seen Tucker laugh at all. Seeing the man _smile_ was rare, but a full-on _laugh_? Unheard of. But Tucker couldn’t stop, he was shaking helplessly with laughter now, his head resting on the table.

Not-actually-Humbert was snickering now a bit, but didn’t say anything easier. 

“Uh, someone wanna tell us what’s so funny?” Sonny asked finally, when it was clear neither man was going to clue them in.

Although given the way Tucker was laughing, he probably _couldn’t_ clue them in.

“He’s… he’s…” Tucker tried, then gave up. 

Not-Humbert patted Tucker on the shoulder, trying to get him to calm down. They heard Rafael and Liv approaching, discussing the conference they had both been at.

“Where’s Carisi and Dodds?” they heard Liv ask faintly.

“In interrogation with some nutjob teacher Carisi picked up this morning,” Fin answered, his voice carrying better.

“I’ll check it out. Barba?”

“Mm, see if I have a case yet.”

Tucker was still shaking helplessly, his laughter coming out as choked sobs now.

Liv and Rafael walked in to see not-Humbert patting a now crying with laughter Tucker while Sonny and Dodds looked on helplessly.

“What’s going on?” Liv asked immediately. “John, what are _you_ doing here?”

“You _know_ this guy?” Sonny asked.

Not-Humbert grinned. “Hi, Liv. Barba.”

“Carisi, Dodds, this is our old sergeant, John Munch, who now works at the DA’s office as a special investigator – Carisi, is _this_ the ‘nutjob’ teacher you’ve been interviewing since this morning?”

Sonny flushed bright red.

Dodds protested, “In our defense, Lieutenant, he never identified himself as John Munch. He’s been sticking to his alias, John Humbert.”

Sonny and Rafael snorted at the same time. “Ha, good one.”

Sonny added, “Now that I know it’s an alias, I appreciate the humor in it.”

Dodds and Liv looked puzzled. “Humor?” Liv asked.

Rafael sighed. “It’s a _Lolita_ reference. Nabokov? Nothing? The pedophile in _Lolita_ was Humbert Humbert. Nice touch, Munch.”

Fin and Rollins finally entered to see where everyone was – and what the endless laughing noise was. 

“Carisi, _this_ was who you picked up today?” Fin demanded. “He ain’t no teacher!”

“I know that _now_! Maybe he could’ve identified himself in any of the past five hours!”

“Well, you know me, my love,” Munch said to Fin, “I never could resist teasing the new guy.” Munch stood up. “I assume I’m not still under arrest?” he asked the room at large.

Fin turned angrily to Sonny. “ _You arrested my husband?!_ ”

They heard wheezing from Tucker, who had managed to collect himself for scant minutes, only to lose it again at that outburst from Fin. 

“He said he liked to smack around his students!” Sonny protested. “What, I was just supposed to go, ‘Oh sure, everyone does that, here’s a gold star!’”

Amanda patted Fin’s shoulder and said, “Fin, you would’ve reacted the same way if it had been any other suspect.”

“You know, Fin, that the snotty kids need a good smacking!” Munch interjected.

“ _You_ shut up!” Fin added. “If you had identified yourself five hours ago, we wouldn’t be here!” 

Liv turned to Dodds. “By the way, _why_ was he here?” she asked.

Dodds quickly went over Sonny’s story, then added, “In my defense, I’ve never met Sergeant Munch either, Lieutenant. I had no idea that was him!”

Fin was still ranting at Sonny. “So you took an offhand comment about smacking children and _thought he was serious?_ ”

“Oh, because I’m supposed to take a spontaneous admission and go ‘oh the suspect must be joking’?”

_“My husband is not a suspect!”_

Rafael inserted himself between Fin and Sonny, both of whom had drawn themselves up to their full heights and were shouting in each other’s faces. “Don’t you _dare_ talk to my boyfriend that way!” he snapped. 

“Raf, I _can_ fight my own fights,” Sonny protested.

“Oh, so he can _arrest my husband_ , but I’m not allowed to yell at your precious ‘sunshine’?” Fin snarled.

“You’re treading on thin ice, _Detective_!”

“Guys! Can we all lower the testosterone level in this room?” Amanda snapped.

They all ignored her. Munch helpfully whacked Tucker on the back, who was starting to choke from laughing so hard. Liv and Dodds were still arguing whether Munch should have been arrested at all, and Dodds was pointing out that if that spontaneous admission had come from anyone else, Liv would’ve been pushing for his arrest. Liv pressed her lips together and Dodds backpedaled fast.

“I will tread on as thin ice as I like, _Counselor!_ ”

“Oh hell no, _I_ arrested your husband, not him, you leave him out of this!” Sonny said. “And by the way, I don’t see you shouting at Dodds, who gave the order to arrest him, so maybe you’re being unfair, don’t you think, Fin?”

“You think I can’t handle someone spitting angry words at me?” Rafael demanded.

“ _You_ didn’t do anything!”

“ _Neither did you.”_

_“He did plenty.”_

_“So did the idiot you married,”_ Sonny pointed out harshly. “And by the way, if he ever gives me another conspiracy theory again, I will not be responsible for my actions. You married the nuttiest fucking idiot I have ever had the displeasure of meeting.”

“ _Say that about my husband again,_ ” Fin roared, leaping for Sonny.

Amanda held him back.

“Fin,” Munch said warningly. “I _will_ make you sleep on the couch for a month, don’t you even _think_ about it.”

The door to the interrogation room opened suddenly, and a voice familiar to most of them asked freezingly, “What the _hell_ is going on here?”

Everyone turned and looked, even Tucker, who was slowly managing to pull himself together.

Sonny was the only one who didn’t recognize the newcomer; even Dodds had met him several times through Chief Dodds.

Captain Cragen entered the room. “Squabbling like children. I dropped by because I was in the area and I thought I’d say hi to the team, but honestly, this is not how I expected to find you guys. I thought you were in good hands here, but… all I can say is, I’m hugely disappointed.”

He turned and walked away.

Liv rushed after him, clearly feeling the need to explain, to apologize – after all, it was _her_ hands the team was in.

Tucker, finally done laughing, stood up. He clapped them all on the shoulders and said, “Well. I can’t say I’ve laughed like that in decades. Thank you all.”

With a chuckle, he left.

Several minutes later, all of their phones dinged with a message from Tucker. All it was was the gif of a guy entering with pizza to find the apartment on fire with the message “basically what I just walked into.”


End file.
